From Heartbreak to Hitting the BOttle: The Relapse Trap

A broken heart was the one thing I could always count on to lead me back to cracking open an ice-cold Budweiser.

It starts with a six-pack. Then, before you know it, two weeks later I’m still plastered, smashing an 18-pack to the face every single day.

The nosedive happens quick.

Emotional pain is something no one willingly wants to face or go through—but it’s inevitable. As a recovering addict, it easily becomes a good excuse to take a few steps back into your old ways.

Alcohol was always my answer because, compared to the other things I had gotten myself into over the years, it “wasn’t that bad.” This was despite the fact that I had accumulated ample proof that it absolutely was.

Before I knew it, everything in my life was right back to falling apart. It was a familiar, downward spiral that I had grown to know well.

I knew that no matter how long I chose to stay stuck and juiced up, the emotional baggage I was trying to run from would still be there waiting for me when I decided to sober up.

And, it was.

I’m sure you know this without me having to tell you, but alcohol solves 0.00000% of all your problems, and contributes to absolutely all of them.

It doesn’t eliminate any of the emotional pain you're already going through. It certainly doesn't bring your partner back or do anything to help mend relationships. It doesn't save marriages. It doesn't fix cheating. It doesn't erase betrayal. It doesn’t make you forget trauma. It doesn’t change grief.

It’s a form of self-destruction and self-sabotage.

Every time I went back to drinking, it wasn’t to pretend I was having a good time. It wasn’t to convince myself that I had control. It was my way of finishing off the job.

When heartbreak hits, it flips our inner dialogue. Everything we once believed to be true becomes blurred. Plans we had for our future diminish. New pain resurfaces old wounds. You feel like a shell of a person. You struggle to function normally. You can’t seem to escape all the questions tied to the pain. It gets ugly. Fast.

It seems easier to try not to think about it at all.

That emotional turmoil and discomfort is exactly what sent me right back to coping with alcohol.

I found it so defeating that, after spending so much time on my recovery and working through old wounds, they could so easily resurface and send me backward. Then the guilt and remorse set in on top of everything. It’s not a place anyone wants to be.

After multiple relapses, all following longer periods of sobriety and specifically tied to getting my heart broken, I was finally able to recognize the patterns and truly put in the work to avoid jumping ship again.

Once you’ve experienced what it’s like to lose clean time and what it takes to rebuild yourself after falling off, picking up the bottle becomes far less appealing. For me, it installed a sense of fear.

Now, when I’m faced with hardship, my past experiences have made it easier to really evaluate which path I’m willing to take.

Drinking truly deters your ability to find strength in the pain and turn it into something good. You fail to see your worth. You fail to turn your attention to areas of your life that you do have control of improving.

If there’s one thing I’ve gained now after remaining sober through some tough times, it is that it builds an unshakable sense of resilience. Once you see you made it through something you never thought you could, it makes it easier to have faith the next time around.

There’s no better feeling than regaining your power after getting your heart broken. Don’t let alcohol strip you of your confidence, composure, and maturity. Don’t ever give someone the satisfaction of seeing you worse off without them. Use the unfortunate and painful moments of your life as powerful, redirective tools. Something better is already on its way to you.

Avoid The Band-Aid & Heal The Wound

Drinking only postpones your progress. When you are faced with heartbreak and great emotional pain, give yourself the time, space, and grace to go straight through it. You can’t get through it if you are unwilling to feel it. And, you can’t fully heal, grieve, or grow unless you’ve done so sober.

Don’t let your pain become your identity. As much as it’s necessary to accept what you’ve been through and acknowledge your emotions, do not allow yourself to sit in misery over and over again every single day.

You have to put in actual effort to do things that will ease your mind and occupy your thoughts with something proactive.

Tips for Dodging the Heartbreak-Booze Trap

Let Red Flags Be Red:

If I could go back in time and give myself any piece of advice, it would be to take things for what they are, not for what I hoped them to be. So, now I’m telling you….

Most of the emotionally draining situations and failed relationships I had to recover from were directly linked to my inability to walk away or choose better for myself from the very beginning.

If you are involved with someone who triggers you, exposes you to harmful and destructive ways of living, abuse, neglect, or infidelity—do not allow yourself to stay in situations that are going to be that much harder to recover from.

If you’re already past that point here are some other things you can do…

The "Delete & Distract" Maneuver

When you get that urge to text your ex and then immediately pour a stiff drink to cope with the reply (or lack thereof), stop! Delete their number and immediately do something else.

Detoxing from another person you crave is very similar to detoxing from substances. The best thing you can do for yourself is to keep them out of sight, out of mind.

Instead of checking their social media and 'accidentally' downing a bottle of Merlot, try throwing on an episode of your favorite reality TV show. It's hard to be sad when you're judging someone else's questionable life choices.

Befriend Your Calendar

Keep your schedule packed, especially during those "danger zone" hours (like Friday at 5 PM or Sunday afternoon). Idleness is the devil's playground.

If your calendar looks empty, you're setting yourself up for an emotional pity-party cocktail hour. Schedule a mile walk, a long dramatic shower, reading a book, an outing with friends, or a trip to your favorite local store.

Anything to avoid sitting on the couch staring mournfully at the liquor cabinet.

The "Emergency Comfort Kit"

Have a pre-assembled kit ready to for inevitable emotional meltdowns. This should be a non-alcoholic, non-destructive pleasure box.

Stock up on the essentials: fancy hot chocolate, the most hideous, comfortable sweatpants you own, and a truly terrible rom-com. The goal is to self-soothe without involving booze.

The "Brain Dump" Journal

Write it out. Seriously, grab a pen and paper and let the mess spill. I've been journaling for years, even before I truly got this sobriety thing down, and it has been such a life changing tool.

It provides a personal space—for your eyes only—to dump all the ugly, unedited, embarrassing, and complicated thoughts swirling around your head. It’s probably a good thing no one else has to read the things I write sometimes.

This process moves the chaos from your mind to the page, giving you distance from the emotional noise.

True heartbreak is brutal. The defining moment isn't the pain itself - it’s what you choose to do next.

When emotional wreckage hits and that old familiar voice tells you that the only way out is through the bottom of a bottle, remember this: You have already done the hardest work. You built your recovery brick by painful brick. Do not give anyone else or addiction the power to tear it all down.

Keep your victory, your clarity, and your self-respect. Heartbreak doesn't define you. Your choice not to drink over it does.

You’ve got this shit <3