Ending Chronic Relapse: Actionable Steps To Take For Sobriety To Stick
I am no stranger to the seemingly endless cycle of getting clean and circling back around to start using all over again. I would sober up for a week or two, start to feel better, convince myself I would mange it better this time around, and I was right back at. Usually, worse off than the time before.
I would get a year of clean time under my belt, then convince myself I could go out and socially have one drink. I’ve made endless promises to stop “tomorrow” and countless internal negotiations that I wouldn’t let things “get that bad again.”
The longer you stay stuck in this cycle the more you become engrained with self-doubt. It doesn’t seem like anything will ever work. You start to believe that you will never get sober. You’ll never be happy. You’ll never be able to live your life without drugs and alcohol.
It’s very important you don’t keep yourself stuck in this false narrative.
Recovery is very much possible. It’s just going to require you to do things you haven’t done before. It’s going to require genuine change. And, it’s going to take a daily commitment on your part to strive for a better life. The rest all comes together.
There’s a quote that reads “You’ve gotta get comfortable with being uncomfortable.” That just about sums it up. You’re going to be uncomfortable while in the midst of pivotal change. But, you’ll be proud that you powered through it.
There came a point in my life that I was so tired of facing the consequences tied to my using. My life was slipping away from me. I was not showing up as the mother my children needed me to be. I knew I had to get this sobriety shit at some point.
I promised myself I was going to genuinely try. Not just by remaining abstinent - but by putting in the work to make change happen.
Here are the things that I strongly implemented and still live by that allowed me to get and stay sober.
Asking For help
There is nothing more defeating than admitting you slipped up. Most of the time it seems easier to conceal our use or what we’re struggling with for the sake of not wanting to let others down or the fear of facing the music tied to our moments of weakness.
Transparency is key. Seeking the proper support (whether a mentor, family member, close friend) confide in them. Let someone know that you are not in a good place. Do not allow yourself to suffer silently.
Setting firm boundaries
Cutting ties with people, places, and things sounds elementary or repetitive (because I’m sure you’ve heard this before) but you have to actually do it.
Sobriety can become very lonely, especially in the early stages where you’re new to making all these necessary changes. It’s important you use your honest discernment and start taking inventory of those you keep around you. Your environment is a direct reflection of what your recovery will look like.
Once you start putting all of your effort into chasing a better life, your desire to surround yourself with those that can potentially jeopardize it, drastically changes.
rebranding yourself
You are no longer the man/woman you once were while stuck in active addiction. It’s normal to experience moments of grief for your old life. However, it is essential that your focus remains on striving towards the new version of you that you are in the process of creating. Show up every single day as that person.
Part of become this new and approved you is doing new things. This is where the discomfort set in for me.
I struggle at times with adjusting to new environments, being social, meeting new people. This rang especially true in the beginning of my journey. I made a promise to myself that I was going to prove that I could do hard things.
For years, I remained closed off to going to meetings. I was a nervous wreck just thinking about walking into a place where I knew no one. I convinced myself there was nothing I would gain from going.
In 2019, I forced myself to go to one meeting. If I hated it I would never go again, and I would have proven myself right.
I went to that one meeting… and started attending every week after that for several years. I met an amazing group of people. I got an amazing sponsor. And, being a part of the NA community became a newfound joy and a commitment I kept as an active part in my recovery still to this day.
So, point being….. do the hard things. Don’t avoid them. Try. Pick up a new hobby. Go to a meeting. Join a group. Start going to the gym. Read a book. Try something out of your “norm” to find purpose and drive.
structure
Self-discipline is the highest form of self-respect. Small continual habits will always reap great rewards. Anything that you commit yourself to doing consistently will pay off.
Following a regular routine each day helps me stay accountable, responsible, and gives me a sense of accomplishment. Start small and practice hitting your goals every day.
For me this looks like waking up no later than 9am (even on the weekends). Reading my morning daily devotional and journaling. Getting dressed and putting my makeup on. Eating 3 meals a day (even if it’s something small). Drinking water. Going to work. Walking outside/inside for minimum of 30 mins.
Small habitual habits, that at first, were hard to find ambition to follow through with….but in a very short amount of time they become your new “normal” and second nature.
focus
What is your main motivator for wanting a better life? What is worth getting sober for? What life do you envision yourself having? Taking time to really evaluate these questions helps you push through all of the difficult moments you’ll be faced to encounter in your recovery.
You’ll have moments of doubt. You’ll have moments of considering going back to your old ways. It’s very important that you refocus your attention back to your “why.” Back to the reason you want a better life. Back to what is going to make all of this worth it.
For me, it was my children. I never wanted them to grow up without their mother. A sober mother. One who was mentally and physically present. Whenever I needed a reminder of what I was doing this for, I thought of them. Before regaining custody of my oldest, I kept pictures of her with me always.
Write your motivators or reasons “why” on a piece of paper and keep it with you. I keep a reminder note with me still in my wallet. Read it as many times as you need.
Play the tape. Any time you’re in a position that you’re tempted to move backwards, think the scenario all the way through. Image what life will look like after you make the choice to pick up that drug or drink. Think beyond just the initial use. What negative outcomes are in the forefront waiting for you?
If you are currently in the position of thinking long-term sobriety is out of reach for you, I hope some of my advice can be of service to you. I pray your hope will slowly be restored and you are reminded that you are more than capable of having a happy, fulfilled, and freeing life.
If you are currently looking for 1:1 support please head over to our service page. Also, our digital library is packed full of tools to utilize independently. My inbox is always open never hesitate to reach out @hpawlowski@celebratingu.net
Below are linked two different digital products to help those who choose to utilize them. One being our Relapse Prevention Bundle, the other being How To Establish Your “Why?” both are amazing for helping you stay on track, rediscover personal values, set goals, and much more!
