How Sobriety Changed My Faith
“God saved me on the same road I took to avoid Him.”
The last topic I ever expected to speak on—or have any meaningful insight into—was my walk with God. This is usually the part where I’d roll my eyes if someone else tried starting this conversation.
I'm not here to persuade you toward any particular path or push a religion. I am simply sharing my honest experience and what I've learned in my own recovery and faith-based journey.
My hope is that these words might offer inspiration or resonate with someone else out there who needs it.
From Occasional Prayer to Active Avoidance
I grew up going to a Catholic church, but my own attendance was typically limited to the annual Easter and Christmas day excursions. I never truly understood the sermons; the Bible remained a closed book. The only time I ever offered a prayer was out of dire need or when I was desperately hoping for something.
I didn't know what it meant to have a genuine relationship with God, and I certainly didn't seek one out.
As I entered the party scene and began using drugs, God was the furthest thing from my mind. The only time I spoke to Him was during those intoxicated moments, my head hanging over a toilet bowl, promising him that if he just sobered me up and made me feel better, I would never touch a drug again.
Of course, those promises crumbled. I only reached out in moments of desperation. When I felt like my prayers weren't being answered, my desperation quickly turned to anger and resentment.
For a long time, I genuinely believed that God should prove Himself by fixing my life and making all of my problems disappear. I needed someone to blame, and it seemed much easier to blame Him than to hold myself accountable.
During periods of difficulty, if it was ever recommended to me that I pray or turn inwards towards my faith, I’d quickly turn the other cheek.
It simply didn't seem realistic to me. I thought, How is an abstract belief going to help me get through the shit I have going on? I was looking for an immediate, tangible fix. Proof.
My faith wasn’t established immediately—but when it was, it was indefinitely.
A New Path Forged in a Jail Cell
I didn't know it then, but I believe it firmly now: God intentionally leads you to the people, places, and things that will draw you closer to Him.
It wasn't until 2016, when I was sitting in county jail, that I opened the Bible for the very first time. I had no idea where to start, but as fate would have it, the inmate in the cell next to mine was a woman from Alabama, raised traditionally and very familiar with scripture.
She took the time to talk me through the passages, offering so much understanding. For the first time, the words I was reading started to make sense; they were shockingly relevant to my own life.
That was my first real encounter with feeling connected to God—my first spark of desire for a relationship with Him. I knew I wouldn't be able to get through my time in jail without Him.
While serving my sentence, I started attending church services, reading the Bible, and making meaningful connections in the last place I ever thought possible.
The Ultimate Low and the Turning Point
After my release, I tragically relapsed, falling ten times harder back into my old lifestyle. I ended up homeless on the streets of Indiana.
I vividly remember being awake for days, sitting under a bridge in the city of Columbus, staring at the water. A complete calm came over me. For the first time, I felt a strange sense of peace with the fact that I was going to die out there. I remember telling God that it was okay. In that moment of surrender, I finally took accountability for my life, my choices, and where I had ended up. Only seconds later…
My phone rang—and that moment changed everything.
The Struggle and the Steadfast Anchor
I went on to get sober and lived in Wisconsin for the next eight years. It was not a straight shot. There were trials, tribulations, moments of relapse, and the hard work of getting back on my feet.
The life I live today is still not without its faults, imperfections, or struggles. The only difference is that now I have learned to turn my focus and place my trust in the God who has shown me He has been here the whole time.
In Wisconsin, I was surrounded by beautiful people. I met my sponsor who was deeply rooted in her faith and befriended a wonderful young man at the restaurant where I waitressed. He was relentless in reminding me of scripture and eventually invited me to Bible studies at his church. I was baptized, and I forged some of the most meaningful relationships within that fellowship.
I regularly attended NA meetings and as you probably already know, 12-Step programs strongly emphasize believing in a Power greater than yourself for a very practical reason, not just for the hell of it.
Simply put, they rely on this framework because for millions who have put it into action, it has been impactful and worked to bring about lasting sobriety.
When All You Get Is Rain
For all the years I struggled with addiction and other life tragedies, I stayed far away from God. I never believed He was working in my life because my prayers weren't fixing all my immediate problems.
The other day, I heard a quote that perfectly captured my reframed mindset: "I asked God for flowers, and he gave me rain."
When you truly begin to understand this, life starts to make sense.
Looking back on my journey, I can see now that God worked miracles in my life. They may not have been the way I asked or wanted them to be, but they absolutely led me to the greater good or paved the way for something better.
I'm not saying this to preach or try to sway you. Everyone has their own walk, their own recovery, and their own choice. But sharing this part of my testimony is vital to me. It is powerful, pivotal, and one of the main components that keeps me sober today. If it can influence even just one person, then it is worth sharing.
With the clarity that came only after I achieved sobriety, a profound realization dawned: my battles were never mine to fight alone. In the stillness of a sober mind and the passing of time, I asked for clarity on past situations and was consistently given it.
I began to see that the deep hurts and emotional pain I endured were actually redirections—uncomfortable but necessary shifts away from paths that served me no good.
Giving up drugs and alcohol felt literally impossible. I could never fully wrap my head around the fact that the desire to want to get high would ever truly be void. The strength to actually do it was clearly imparted from elsewhere, a source outside myself. I stayed persistent with asking God to give me strength and the ability to overcome the things keeping me stuck. And, He proved to come through for me. Every. Time.
Reflecting on the countless life-threatening situations I willingly put myself in—situations that logically should have claimed my life—I now have no doubt that someone was actively looking out for me, guiding me towards survival, greater purpose, and this second chance.
Today, my faith is relational and constant. It's no longer about demanding that God fix my external problems, but about seeking the strength and wisdom to navigate them myself.
My faith is an essential building block of my sobriety. It has offering me a genuine sense of purpose and belonging that addiction had stripped away.
It provides an anchor in moments of chaos, and has taught me to surrender my control and anxiety instead of turning to substances.
By focusing on connection and spiritual growth, my faith hasn’t just help treat the symptoms of my addiction; it’s helped fill the spiritual void that fueled it - making a life of sobriety not just possible, but infinitely richer.
Give It Away
One of the key components in recovery, as well as in a faith-filled life, is this: We can only keep what we have by giving it away. You never know if your story is the only illustration of God's love that someone else might ever see.
I have learned to stand confident in my faith and share my story to make an impact. God works on his own time and in his own ways. Believe that He knows best. We may not always be able to see his reasoning right away, but you can always trust that he is working.
So let my message be this: If you think God has not shown up for you, if you feel betrayed, or if you believe you are undeserving of the promises in this life, I can guarantee you are wrong. And if you don't believe me, then turn to Him.
If you are open to starting or deepening your spiritual journey, I encourage you to build simple, daily habits around your faith. Don't wait for a crisis to connect; find ways to check in and refocus every day.
To help you get started, check out our "Grounded in Faith Workbook." This resource is packed with worksheets designed to help you organize your thoughts, get focused, and establish routines that will keep you centered and truly grounded in your faith.
